How To Find and Engage a Therapist

Warning: This is a long post. I do encourage you to read it all…there's a lot of good stuff here, and sometimes good things take time to read. But, if you are in the TLDR camp, here you go…

TLDR: If you are struggling to find and engage a therapist, you have two choices: read this post to get some great tips to grease the wheels and help yourself, or book a consultation through my website and I will help you directly. :-)

And onward…

Over my many years as a therapist I have had lots of people reach out to me asking for a recommendation for a therapist, and in that process I hear quite a bit about how their efforts to find and engage one can be frustrating. I often hear “I’ve called 20 therapists and no one is calling me back” or “I can’t find anyone who takes my insurance” or “I found one I like but they don’t take insurance” or “everyone says they aren’t taking new clients or have a wait list”, or “shit- why do we have to be friends, because I’d really like you to be my therapist”...the last of which I take as high praise. :-)

In all seriousness though, getting started with a therapist shouldn’t be this hard…and it often is. So, I am here to give you some tips on making this process easier…as FINDING a therapist isn’t hard. Just google “therapists near me” and you’ll come up with a list. I want to invite you to consider ENGAGING one as your focus, and using the information here to create the therapy experience you are looking for, in just the right timing for you.

Now I don’t mean that therapists are these elusive, wild creatures that don’t want to be found, hide from clients, and ignore phone calls. Maybe there are some, but we generally are a curious, well-meaning bunch that do want you in our offices getting the support you are looking for. And, here are some realities that you may or may not be aware of, and some tips to make getting started in therapy a bit easier:

Reality: Therapists want to see clients who they can best help. What I mean is, if you are struggling with substance abuse, and you attempt to engage a therapist who doesn’t state substance abuse as an area of interest or specialty in their advertising, that may not be a good fit. Many therapists, especially those who have been in practice for more than a few years, have areas of specialty training and client populations they tend to work best with.

Tip: Do your research. If you have a sense of what you want to work on and are struggling with, look for therapists who list those things as areas of specialty or interest. Therapists have profiles on popular directories such as Psychology Today, Therapy Den, or Maine Therapist Directory. READ. Please read the profiles. It will save you time if you find out the person you think you’d like to call doesn’t do telehealth, and that is what you are looking for.

Reality: Therapists are part of networks. You never know who they are connected to.

Tip: Start thinking like a networker when you are looking for a therapist. Ask yourself, “who do I know that knows a lot of people?” Ask those people if they know any therapists, or have recommendations. Your best friend’s therapist might not be a good fit for you, but it is a jumping off point and may lead to one that is. If you are in your doctor’s office, ask them for a list. Many offices keep lists of therapists. Look on community boards in your town or city. We put our business cards there (Is that old fashioned or so 20 years ago? I don’t know. We do it).

Reality: It is true that many therapists have full practices. Many therapists work part-time, limiting the hours they can see clients. Many therapists have families and are parents, and create their schedules based on that. Many therapists do offer weekend and evening hours. Many do not. All therapists have clients that come and go, creating openings for new clients.

Tip: If time and day of appointment is a high priority for you, DO ask prospective therapists you are talking to right away about their schedule. I have had many phone calls with prospective clients that have ended with just that because my schedule didn’t line up with their needs. I do believe if therapy is a high priority, you will make it work in your life. I also know that if you find a therapist who works on a day you have time for an appointment, the likelihood increases that you will actually be consistent in therapy because it does work with your schedule. Food for thought.

Reality: Therapists work for a living. We are highly educated, skilled professionals. Most of us are mission-driven, and we are in this field to be of service to our clients…AND we have rent to pay and expenses, just like you. Money does matter to us- gasp!- and we know it matters to you too. Many of us are empaneled with insurance companies, bill insurance, and that is how we get paid. Some of us have a private/self pay model, meaning you, the client, are responsible for the cost of the session. Whether someone takes insurance or doesn’t, has a “low” or “high” self pay rate, is not always a reflection of their skill level, or years in the business. It can be, but not always. Most therapists put a lot of thought into how they set their rates. Most of us are trying to be fair, and also cover our costs and hours of back office labor in our practices that you don’t see in your one hour session. There are reasons therapists choose one way of obtaining payment, or another…and that is another blog post for the future. Our time is valuable, so is yours, and you are making an investment in yourself when you choose to go to therapy.

Tip: Be aware of, pay attention to, and ask up front about the method of payment. If it is important and necessary for you to use your insurance coverage for therapy, ask right away if a therapist takes your insurance or not, or state that you are willing to self pay if you are. Scan for this information on their website or online profiles. Do not leave this to the last question of your consult or phone/email inquiry. We understand money matters to you as well, and you may have a budget for therapy. Take a deep breath and talk about money. It’s an energetic exchange, it can be an issue in therapy, and it’s part of doing business with a therapist.

Reality: Therapists, when talking on the phone with a prospective client, are sensing whether this will be a good fit for them. It is also important that you assess fit when you are considering a therapist. It goes both ways.

Tip: When you are talking to a potential therapist, or having an email exchange, or looking at their photo and profile online, pay attention to how it feels. Are they open? Direct? Warm? Engaging? What’s the vibe? You are going to potentially spend hours with this person. Start to tune into your gut, intuition, your inner compass. It’s not the whole story about a therapist, but it can give you some clues about whether it feels good to move forward and set an appointment or keep looking.

Reality: Therapy involves self reflection, discomfort, asking yourself some hard questions, being asked hard questions, and being willing to do something differently in your life. You are coming to a therapist for support, direction, witnessing, growth, exploration of the past, the present, the future, of patterns you’d like to change, to learn…the list can be quite long. Sometimes you may not know where to begin, and that is OK. Therapists get that, and it’s part of our role to help you sort that out…AND we need some details to get started.

Tip: Before you reach out, think about what it is you are looking to get out of therapy, or want to be different in your life. This begins the therapeutic process, before you ever step into my office or someone else’s. You will be asked these questions once you get started, and you will likely have time to explore them more, but therapists need some breadcrumbs to start on the trail. We do appreciate when you call or email that you state a bit about what is going on with you right now, and why you are seeking therapy at this time. Please, do not leave this message on my voicemail/email or another therapist's voicemail/email: “Hi, I’m wondering if you are accepting new clients. Call me back. Thanks!” Therapists like it when you leave details such as:

• one sentence about why you want therapy (I’m feeling really anxious lately, I want to grow personally and I need help figuring out how, I’m getting a divorce and I need some support, I live with a chronic medical condition and want to learn some different coping skills, for example)

• your insurance status/payment preferences

• your availability for appointments

• whether you want telehealth, office visits or a hybrid model

• where you are located geographically (this is important for therapists like me to know who work in two different locations)

• a good time to call you back

Shifting your approach and using these tips should help make your journey to therapy a bit smoother. If you read this and think that you’d like more resources or more support in finding and engaging a therapist that is a good fit for you, I am available for consultation. Just visit my website, under Services, and book with me.

Be well, move your body, and I am here for sessions. :-)